Anthony P. Verdino

he/him

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CE Eligible

Pleasure and Pain

A critical recognition of the need for repair and healing in expansive relationships

Saturday, November 7th

2:00 pm

Room: Ballroom A

Expansive sex/ualit(ies) and relationship structures offer a great deal of joy and pleasure as well as pain. As we open ourselves and our relationships to the possibilities of expansive pleasures, we also open ourselves to the possibilities of shame and hurt. This is natural. Navigating sex and relationships can be messy, but in and through the messiness we find safety, security, and stability in openness. In this didactic session, we will first ground ourselves in the possibilities of pleasure in openness. We will then identify the possibilities of pain, including distrust, hurt, and jealousy.

In this, we will discuss the notion of ‘asking for permission’ vs ‘asking for forgiveness’ as a way to highlight the nuance and complexity of openness and the potential for both pleasure and pain. I will provide an overview of ‘good pain and bad pain’ rooted in kink/BDSM philosophy and how it applies to openness, specifically the difference between consensual vulnerability to injury (largely emotional) and non-consensual harm, both of which require repair. As a group, we will engage in a casual, unfiltered, and open dialogue about the importance of recognizing the need for repair and healing and concrete ways to do this work. This includes how we heal from the expected and affective challenges of openness and how we repair unintended and intentional injuries from boundary and guideline violations and the messiness of initiating or changing open practices. Lastly, we will actively practice vulnerability and critical self-reflection on our own experiences of repair and healing and the values, skills, and practices necessary for future consideration in our openness. The session will involve a lively combination of presentation, group discussion, and activity.

Key Takeaways

1.

Attendees will learn and understand a valuable and even new or unique framework for thinking and talking about healing and harm in their relationships and encounters.

2.

Attendees will receive and contribute to identifying a set of expected potential affective challenges and harms AND approaches for both ongoing and situational healing and repair.

3.

Attendees will have participated in and completed a practice of vulnerability to enhance their self-awareness/insight of the ways in which they may unintentionally inflict injury and the inherent possibilities for personal and relational growth throughout the process.

Anthony P. Verdino (he/him) is a long-time licensed clinical social worker whose current practice focuses on helping Queer, kinky, and poly folks explore their needs and desires, and create more balance and authenticity. He will also complete a PhD in Social Work at University of Chicago in summer 2026. Much of Anthony’s scholarship focuses on Queer communities and the knowledge they already hold as they pursue joy, pleasure, resistance, and healing in their everyday lives. His dissertation involved Queer emerging adults doing drag, burlesque, kink, sex work, and other potentially marginalized activities to explore meanings of Queerness and the role of imagination in their lives as they work to build Queer worlds. Beyond his clinical work, Anthony enjoys consulting and teaching at the graduate level, including courses on social work practice, harm reduction, and sexuality and relationships. No less importantly, he works in animal welfare deploying to disaster and cruelty situations to support the rescue and recovery of animals.