Many people who identify as nonhierarchical still hear partners say they feel secondary. That's often because "nonhierarchical" really means rejecting prescriptive hierarchy (explicit rules ranking partners) while overlooking descriptive hierarchy, the unintentional ranking created by life circumstances like cohabitation, shared finances, or children.
Prescriptive hierarchy says: "My live-in partner's needs always come first." Descriptive hierarchy says: "I don't rank my relationships, but my existing obligations will still shape what's possible with future partners."
Failing to acknowledge descriptive hierarchy can mislead or harm new partners and can misread real structural disparities as "jealousy." This presentation will help attendees identify unintentional hierarchy in their relationships and use the descriptive/prescriptive distinction to build nonhierarchical relationships that genuinely support everyone involved.